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Deodorantjunkie
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Name: Julia
Location: Missouri, United States
Birthday: 6/17/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: pineapples, kiwis, mangos, lemons, oranges, limes, papaya, strawberries, blueberries, pears, apples, bananas, pommellos, grapefruit, starfruit, blackberries, watermelon, cantelope, tangerines, grapes, coconuts, peaches, nectarines, plums, persimmons, bananas, pomegranite, cranberries, avacado, raspberries, guava, figs, peaches, mandarin, prickly pear, cherries, dates, cherimoya
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  PineappleScreams
Member Since:
12/19/2004
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| In our latest argument, my mom tried to tell me that I was taking the easy way out.
She told me it was hard to be with a man, and I just wanted things to be easy, that I was just trying to be alternative.
You can disagree with my choices, but don't tell me I have it easy.
Living in secrecy at Evangel, listening to homophobic insensitive jokes by people who didn't know.
Feeling like God hated me. Praying so long for change.
Being called a fag as I walk down the street.
Having people worry being gay means I'm a pedophile.
Your husband telling me I'm just a stranger now, and that I'm not part of the family.
You not returning my calls, and then crying when you do because my "future is ruined."
You telling me that me being gay makes you want to shoot yourself.
You forbidding Andi from your house.
You never asking about Andi.
The hateful sign holders downtown.
Friends writing me letters about how they must warn me I'm going to hell.
People treating me like a second class Christian.
People telling Andi & I we have to pretend we are just friends, and not to hold hands at their social gatherings.
People excluding me from their lives.
I don't understand how people can call themselves Christians, but be so lacking in compassion. You can disagree, but seriously, have some compassion. I spent the last ten years hating myself, before coming to a place of self acceptance and happiness. It isn't your place to decide what is right for my life. I have a relationship with God, we talk about things. Have trust in that. I'm confident in what I'm doing. I love Andi, we are good together.
Please pray things get better between my mom & I. I don't want her to be hurting, but I have to follow what is right.
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| Sometimes you just need to have faith in people that they'll figure things out on their own eventually.
They don't need you there forcing your standards on them.
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| My mom and I went to church on Sunday. We didn't actually make it through all of church, or very much of it at all, but we went. After someone forcefully attempting to get us to sign the visitors book, after my mom picked up the Pentecostal Evangel magazine and started reading it, after the in your face greeters asking me if i went to a Pentecostal college (ironically i do), after the pastor tried to get everyone to clap and yell, after the McDonalds tune jingle songs (as my mom called them), and after repeated announcements for all visitors to raise their hands as the pastor would call you out in front of the whole church and ask things....we quickly made our way to the exit and snuck out. Well I'm sure they had their watchful eyes on us. I would have stayed if it was just me, I'm not nearly as angry at churches as I used to be. But my mom gets so bitter and angry. It started right away:
"They are just being nice to me because they want to go to Heaven." was her response as we drove off from the parking lot. Oh I must mention there was another sneak out and drive away person too.
To which I wanted to respond: "Oh no mom. They already think they are going to heaven. They just want to make sure they have a few extra jewels in their crowns for getting you saved."
I know, not that funny. It just makes me sad to see someone so angry at church. She was totally right, they were being super fake nice to us. Church should never be like that. Church should be a friendly non forceful, non political, non power hungry place. Church shouldn't have an agenda of getting people saved. Church should have the agenda of providing a space for people to meet with their Creator, and if people respond to that ok, and if they don't ok. Everyone is at where they are at in life. No one needs to be manipulated into anything.
On the upside, my mom and i had church in our car. I plugged in my ipod and we listened to Pastor Phillip from my home church in Missouri and she loved it. She got all excited in a happy way, and was done being angry by the time we got home.
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| "Short hair doesn't look very feminine." said my mom on our long car ride to Maine. That's ok mom. I'm not going for feminine, I'm going for feminist. I've been liberated from the confines of your expecations of what it looks like to be a woman. And that means when I grow up, I won't be the one doing all the ironing, cooking, and cleaning for my man. That is if there even is a man. So you can keep your long hair, I'm all set. | | |
| We were laughing and having a grand old time until he said to me "You're kind of hard to read. Is it that you are being mysterious or that you're indecisive?"
I think I was just being myself.
If I ever find myself, I'll ask her why she is the way she is. | | |
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